History/Bio of Drooling Idiots & D.I. Prime

F'n Amateur Queries

D.I. devotees down from day one don't need to digest the data divulged here. However, for those who may be new to the Drooling Idiots universe, we present "F'n Amateur Queries" with corresponding answers. It's not that we don't take joy in answering our fans' questions -- in fact we'd be overjoyed if we had any fans to ask us questions -- but we suspect that there are a group of questions that we would get sick of answering were we to be asked them frequently. Thus, the answers to those questions are presented forthwith to forestall our forecasted frustration.

1. Who are The Drooling Idiots?
2. Let me rephrase, who are Drooling Idiots?
3. Is a drooling idiot anything like a blithering idiot?
4. What's a D.I. Prime?
5. Why is this the home of Drooling Idiots and D.I. Prime? Isn't Prime in D.I.?
6. Where can I see Drooling Idiots live and in concert?
7. Where can I buy Drooling Idiots merchandise?

1. Who are The Drooling Idiots?

Stop right there. The name of this band is "Drooling Idiots". Not "The Drooling Idiots", just "Drooling Idiots". Exclude the definite article. Now that you've read this answer you are entitled to contemptuously and condescendingly correct anyone who makes the egregious error of referring to "Drooling Idiots" as "The Drooling Idiots".

2. Let me rephrase, who are Drooling Idiots?

The current line-up consists of D.I. Prime, making the band nigh indistinguishable from Prime's solo "career". (And we all know how Prime likes to go solo.) Tubley is in New Orleans, heading up D.I.'s legal department. Michael Spaly is residing in the inactive file now that he's bolted off to Seattle. D.I. emeriti include co-founders Grindef and Charlé. Being in Drooling Idiots is a life sentence. There are no former members of Drooling Idiots!

3. Is a drooling idiot anything like a blithering idiot?

No, but there are similarities at times.

Blithering idiots are congenital morons. They are mentally deficient by nature and no amount of nurture can ameliorate their condition. These are idiots in the traditional sense of the word. Blithering idiots can be any age, any sex, any race, any nationality, or any religion. The domain of the blithering idiot knows no boundaries.

Drooling idiots are men whose mental faculties are impaired when in contact with women. It is a form of idiocy but it's a situational idiocy. Blithering idiots are not exempt from this affliction, but neither are super geniuses¹. All races and nationalities are potential drooling idiots. Several religions foolishly attempt to curtail this insidious idiocy but their efforts only serve to spike the severity of the symptoms when they manifest. A drooling idiot can be of any age, although the condition often worsens around puberty and tends to temper with age.

For example, George Walker Bush is a blithering idiot by virtue of his sheer imbecility. During his years of public service he has demonstrated an unstinting vacuity. At one point, Vanity Fair attempted to give him an out by claiming that he was an undiagnosed ADD dyslexic, but he vigorously denied it by claiming that he'd never even interviewed the author of the article. Uh huh. In any event, results are more important than the reasons in this case. He's excerebrose. End of story.

On the other hand, William (Bill) Jefferson Clinton is a drooling idiot. Despite the fact that he is widely acknowledged to possess genius-level intelligence, he acts like a complete fool when in the presence of women. As the leader of the free world, he could have done better than that woman, Miss Lewinsky. But did he? No. She made herself available and he made a jackass of himself. It may be that his tastes in women are as egalitarian as his political ideologies, but he's probably just a drooling idiot hollering his hormonal hallelujah, "All cats are gray in the dark!"

Female drooling idiots may exist but the malady is almost exclusively the province of males.

Gay men have the assets required to be drooling idiots but can they truly be drooling idiots? The answer is beyond the scope of this FAQ.

4. What's a D.I. Prime?

The D.I. stands solely for "Drooling Idiot", whereas Prime is a multifarious component. Webster's unabridged dictionary offers several definitions for the word "prime". Among them:

First in order of time; original.
First in rank, degree, dignity, authority, or importance.
First in excellence; of highest quality.
Lecherous; lustful; lewd.

D.I. Prime embraces and exemplifies all of them.

5. Why is this the home of Drooling Idiots and D.I. Prime? Isn't Prime in D.I.?

D.I. Prime gets mentioned more than any other Drooling Idiot for a number of reasons. First, he's a solo act in addition to being a member of Drooling Idiots. Second, he's the one and only original member who is still active. Third, he paid for the domain name. Fourth, he's an insatiable egomaniac who loves seeing his name in electrons on CRTs.

6. Where can I see Drooling Idiots live and in concert?

There are no gigs currently scheduled. In fact, Drooling Idiots has never performed live. We hope to change that someday. Naturally, all gigs will be announced at www.droolingidiots.com.

7. Where can I buy Drooling Idiots merchandise?

At any and all of our shows.

D.I. Prime's book "Anal Sex Haiku, Lascivious Limericks & Other Drivel" can be purchased at lulu.com by clicking on the link.

¹ The Road Runner was a female. I'm sure of it.