DI.com: "Five On One" lyrics

Five On One

Download the "Five On One" mp3 (5.8 MB).
Yo man, there's a lot of rappers that
Talk about keeping it real,			{blah, blah, blah}
But they ain't never been real.			{fake ass fronters}
This is real.					{and that's the truth}
Ya feel it?					{uh huh}
Ya feel it?					{ha ha}

My hands are in my pants, I don't need an alibi
I'm feeling like an ancient Greek who ain't too meek to testify
Rapping under oath I gloat I'm all about my pumping it
I tenderize the meat completely thumping it and slumping it
I'm dealing out a hand cause, man, my bowers will be trumping it
I'm pouncing on a pillow and I'll thrill my dill by humping it
If my heart is beating then - so am I
I'm white water wristing up until the day I die
Willie with his wants he know for sure I'll treat him right
Because I feed him what he's needing every day and every night
Never needing nookie when I'm playing pocket polo
I may never get a Leia so I'll stay with my hand solo
I'm a one-armed bandit but I never need a dime
When I'm pulling on my lever - jackpot every time
Once my brain was trained to be restrained by pain and shame
But now when I'm inflamed I go insane.  I must proclaim

If you can't ball, this is for y'all,
Play the game when the team don't call
Bust the D, the O's top shelf
Dribble and shoot, yo, score on yourself
Solitaire was never this much fun.
Get up for a game of five on one.
Five on one.  Five on one.
Everybody's playing five on one.
Five on one.  Five on one.
Be an all-star.  Five on one.
Five on one.  Five on one.
Who's up for a game of five on one?

Yeah.  That's my big willie style.
Now watch me get jizzy with it.

Schwacking it and smacking it, whacking it and jacking it
No attention deficit in fact it's never lacking it
Spanking it and wanking it, yanking it and cranking it
Like I'm in Jamaica I can bank on daily skanking it
Shaking it and raking it, I'll never be forsaking it
An easy way to go so yo every day I'm taking it
I Always love to play this way you know I'm never faking it
I like to buff it rough and stuff but not enough for breaking it
Tugging it and hugging it just like a thug I'm mugging it
A rift inside my fist and I get pissed if I'm not plugging it
Undressing it, caressing it, ooh yeah I'm tumescing it
Laying on hands, I'll be anointing it and blessing it
I'm forever jerking it just like a job I'm working it
I'm tickling the pickle till it trickle, that's called gherkin it
Slapping it and tapping it, rapping it and snapping it
Using elbow grease so I can splatter all the sap in it
Choking it and stroking it, poking it provoking it
Squeeze the baby oil out the spout until I'm soaking it
Taking care of business is bliss when I've awoken it
It's comatose after it blows its load just like I'm croaking it

If you can't ball, this is for y'all,
Play the game when the team don't call
Bust the D, the O's top shelf
Dribble and shoot, yo, score on yourself
Solitaire was never this much fun.
Get up for a game of five on one.
Five on one.  Five on one.
Everybody's playing five on one.
Five on one.  Five on one.
Be an all-star.  Five on one.
Five on one.  Five on one.
Who's up for a game of five on one?

The play's the thing and I call this one man show
"Much Goo About Nothing"

When I turn in tonight I will be sleeping alone
Never counting sheep, I'll be romancing the bone
Shedding all my clothes and grabbing the lube
Heating it up and then squeezing the tube
Dimming the lights to roll the porno flicks
I'll be taking trial runs in the Onan Olympics
Doing knuckle shuffles, manual mambos
Switching off hands for the 1-2 combos
Starting off slow and building up speed
Like I'm Adam in the garden and I'm pulling the weed
Oh yeah.  Setting tadpoles free
Give the one gun salute.  My country jizz of me
Taking deep breaths - Oh! Yes! Yes!
Then grab my spankerchief and clean up the mess
Now close my eyes and go to sleep?
NO!  Like shampoo, lather, rinse, and repeat

If you can't ball, this is for y'all,
Play the game when the team don't call
Bust the D, the O's top shelf
Dribble and shoot, yo, score on yourself
Solitaire was never this much fun.
Get up for a game of five on one.
Five on one.  Five on one.
Everybody's playing five on one.
Five on one.  Five on one.
Be an all-star.  Five on one.
Five on one.  Five on one.
Who's up for a game of five on one?

Now that I've beat the bongo,
Let me tell you about a different kind of hand drum

Fellas aren't the only ones who play this game
But I hear the women know it by a bunch of funky names
Like petting the pussy and probing the poontang
Fondling the yin, when she don't want yang
Self-employed she likes being her own boss
Burying the knuckle and applying the lip gloss
Stoking the furnace and strumming the banjo
Yellow pages and getting a hand-jo
Wax on, wax off, like Mr. Miyagi
Flossing the cat until it's getting all soggy
Rolling the dough when she butters the muffin
Checking the oil while she's rubbing the nubbin
Diddle up a storm till her fingers blister
Dating Rosy Palms's lesbian sister
Cramming the crevice and itching the ditch
Pulling out her friend with the on/off switch
Mr. Everready, he'll be humming and humming
While he's going and going she'll be coming and coming
Arching her back with a buck in her hips
And the moans of joy erupting out of her lips

If you can't ball, this is for y'all,
Play the game when the team don't call
Bust the D, the O's top shelf
Take it to the hole, score on yourself
Solitaire was never this much fun.
Get up for a game of five on one.
Five on one.  Five on one.
Everybody's playing five on one.
Five on one.  Five on one.
Be an all-star.  Five on one.
Five on one.  Five on one.
Who's up for a game of five on one?

So there you have it, the 411 on five on one.
The handbook on handjobs.  The enchiridion of...

[Sue Blair The Poet]
Dude, dude, give it up.  You don't know the first thing about
spanking the monk.

[D.I. Prime]
Yes I do.  I'm a veteran of years of intense hand-to-glans
combat with the purple-headed yogurt slinger.

[Sue Blair The Poet]
Honestly, who do you think you're fooling?

[D.I. Prime]
Look.  I'll prove it to you.  I'll firm the worm and
fister the mister right now.  Watch this.

[Sue Blair The Poet]
Oh please.  It's obvious you've never beat the blue-veined hooligan.
You're a studio wanksta.  Come on, let's scrog.

[D.I. Prime]
What?  No... I'm gonna bop the bone.  I'm gonna... oh... uh... 
Alright.  Let me just turn off this music.