The Prime Says...

"You're the best lover I've ever had."
--D.I. Prime's groupie

I know what you're thinking: "Prime has a groupie?". That ranks among other classic, rhetorical, head-shaking interrogatives of incredulous disbelief such as "Harmony has minions???". But, to answer your skeptical query, yes. This website, in collusion with D.I. music, has lured an unsuspecting young thing into my nefarious clutches. It's good to be the king - or at least a nascent superstar.

A few days ago, as I was skulking toward one of our clandestine trysts, I passed by her bedroom window and espied her preening before her mirror. Naturally, I paused for a moment of voyeuristic indulgence. As I stood there, concealed in shadows, stroking my... ego, I flattered myself with the knowledge that this woman was attempting to alter her appearance to attain my approval. As she started to speak, I leaned in closer to hear her sultry voice intone words that were music to my ears: "D.I. Prime, you're the best lover I've ever had."

I practically swooned. In an unguarded moment, stripped of all artifice, this woman had offered up the most insightful, elegant and accurate appraisal of my sexual prowess that I'd ever had the pleasure of eavesdropping upon.

After dropping that bombshell, she continued to stare into her mirror with an expression of earnest sincerity. The serenity of her countenance was quickly disturbed by a small tic on the left side of her face. That slight perturbance foretold an impending rictus of uncontainable amusement and ensuing gales of gut-wrenching giggles. After unleashing a torrent of derisive laughter, she attempted to regain her composure. "How am I ever going to say that with a straight face?", she gasped as she tried to catch her breath.

I slunk off, dejected, vowing to have sex with her in the back of a Volkswagen. I wonder how she likes to toast in the new year...

Resolution Update

As you may recall, in the previous edition of The Prime Says I announced some of my new year's resolutions. It gives me great pleasure to report that there's still ten and a half months left to complete them!

Truthfully, the last month hasn't been a total waste. One of my resolutions was to "Write and/or record 12 songs". The spirit of the resolution was that I'd record 12 of my own songs but, since the letter of the resolution didn't specify that, the 4 songs I recorded with Dave Lempert in January could count if I start getting desperate for progress. Two of those songs have been posted here for your enjoyment. Beyond that, I recorded two songs for WOLV shows. I hope to get those finished up and posted soon.

If you've been keeping up with events mentioned on this site, you know that I've written the music for the University of Michigan's student-operated cable television station, WOLV. Well, times change. No, I haven't stopped doing music for WOLV, but I've taken on a new responsibility in addition. I'm to be the co-host of their newest show, Rasslin' Roundup.

Tubley (under the nom de video, "Sir Flex-a-lot") and I ("D.I. Prime", natch), are to be stars of the small screen. Along with our co-host, Scott "Wiggety" Warheit, we'll review and analyze all of the developments in the wonderful, wacky world of WWE wrestling. With a little bit of luck, we'll finally tape our first episode tomorrow afternoon.

Update: We came. We taped. We kicked ass. Our show debuted on WOLV (channel 70 in University buildings) on February 17th at midnight. I can't lie to you my loyal readers: it wasn't the greatest thing to ever grace a television screen. However, considering that Tubley and I were video virgins, we managed to pull it off and avoid a complete disaster. That's a success in my book. Stick with us, we'll get better. And if not, well, we can always go back to our music careers.

I've got to send a shout out to our behind-the-scenes folks, Tyler Lieberman (director, editor) and Lucien St. Gerard (advisor, graphics, responsible adult). Without them, we wouldn't be able to do the show.

Google is my favorite search engine. If it's on the 'net, google knows about it. Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating, but they are the first (and to date only) search engine to spider droolingidiots.com. We don't show up in Google searches yet but it should one day soon.

That's cool.

I love music. Admittedly, we don't have the healthiest of relationships. If you've ever downloaded one of my mp3s you know how I batter and abuse it. You can hear its anguished cries for mercy during my unrelenting assaults. Sometimes I just ignore it. Often it's merely something that's going on the background while I pursue other endeavors. But, every once in a while, something will happen to rekindle the spark all over again.

Tubley gave me Fishbone's latest CD, "The Psychotic Friends Nuttwerx", last week. Truth be told, I'm a lukewarm Fishbone fan. I appreciate some of their hits¹ but I've never been able to get into much of their punk/funk/ska/metal hybrid music. However, nestled in between covers of The Temptations's "Shakey Ground" and Sly & The Family Stone's "Everybody Is A Star" was one of the greatest songs I'd ever heard. "The Suffering" is a mid-tempo ska ballad detailing the pain of a failed relationship. I was enamored with it from the very first listen and played it over and over. It would be a perfect Drooling Idiots song. I wish I'd written it.

That's the reason I love music. Not because it inspires fits of jealousy and plagiaristic fantasy, but because it can impassion me with a desire to listen to a silly pop song dozens of times. I love the feeling that makes me reach for the rewind button and listen to a song over again in order to relive some nuance in its performance, admire the artistry in its composition, or marvel at the craftsmanship involved in its recording.

As a musician, I aspire to make music that has that effect on people. And if I don't, well, at least I got a groupie out of the experience.

Out here,
D.I. Prime
Friday, February 15th, 2002

¹"Hits?" Ok, I'm being charitable. Fishbone's never really been about chart success. However, if you want to check out other Fishbone tunes beyond "The Suffering", my favorites (in order, most to least) are "Lyin' Ass Bitch", "Ugly", "Bonin' In The Boneyard", "Party At Ground Zero" and "Ma And Pa". They also do nice covers of Curtis Mayfield's "Freddie's Dead" and Parliament's "The Goose". All of these songs can be found on their "best of" CD, "Fishbone 101: Nuttasaurusmeg Fossil Fuelin".