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It's not that bad, really. Dignity's overrated anyway. At the very least he should be thankful that he doesn't have to pretend he's a celibate drooling idiot.
Welcome to Bobby Brown, Ricky Bell, Michael Bivins, Ronnie DeVoe, Ralph Tresvant, and Johnny Gill. Yes, it's the New Edition of The Prime Says. We're kicking off this edition with a bang by naming an ad hoc motto for The Prime Says: "Better late than never!"
Now to live up that lofty standard...
It's birthday time once again at DI.com. In this edition, we're celebrating Bootsy Collins's birthday (October 26th) somewhat belatedly. I usually only mention Drooling Idiot birthdays but I have to make an exception for Bootsy because, as Butt-Head said, "Bootsy kicks ass." (I should also mention that Beavis proclaimed "Bootsy's from outer space." It's not terribly relevant, but he gets so jealous when Butt-Head is quoted and he isn't.)
If you have RealPlayer installed on your computer you can hear a special message from Bootsy. With his first new album ("Play With Bootsy") and single ("Play With Bootsy") in four years, Bootsy looks to be having a pretty good year.
If it's Bootsy's birthday then you know what else it is, don't you?
That's right. It's the anniversary of the droolingidiots.com launch. DI.com opened its e-doors to the public on October 26th, 2001. One year later, we've had just over 400 hits and we're already well on our way to just over 401 hits.
It's the most wonderful time of the year and, contrary to what Edward Pola and George Wyle might have you believe, it's not Christmas time. No, it's Scorpio time again which means that the birthday of your (not so) humble narrator is nearby.
In the January edition of The Prime Says, I announced a slew of "new year's" resolutions and vowed to complete them by my next birthday. I thought that, perhaps, if I published them then I would force myself to accomplish them in order the prevent the public shame, humiliation and ridicule that would ensue from failure.
Why did I ever think that was a good idea?
Truth be told, I didn't do too badly. Some people have never completed a resolution and I can declare victory on about half of mine. Let's review:
Last year's goals were pretty good and open-ended enough that I can reuse them this year with a minimum of tweaking.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show came back to the State Theater in Ann Arbor on October 25th and 26th. As is my wont, before each show I took to the stage and initiated some virgins. The ceremony went exceedingly well, in my opinion. After the ceremony, I proceeded to shout myself hoarse yelling audience participation lines. A fine time was had by all.
As a warm up to the Ann Arbor show, I went to the show in Bowling Green, Ohio on October 19th. Unlike Ann Arbor, where RHPS is shown one or two weekends a year, Bowling Green runs a show every Saturday. They had a fine cast and an enthusiastic crowd, although one of the guys in the crowd was a little too enthusiastic. He wanted to jump me because I kept making fun of Ohio State, but it all turned out well in the end. I plan on going back.
On November 2nd, I had the pleasure of seeing The Rocky Horror Show, the play upon which the Rocky Horror Picture Show is based, at St. Dunstan's Theater at Cranbrook. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with Cranbrook, it's the private school that Eminem makes fun of in his movie "8 Mile." What made this production somewhat unusual was that they encouraged the sort of audience participation that takes place at the movie. I'm not sure they knew what they were getting themselves into.
I went to see it with two friends, one of whom is a Rocky Horror veteran of over 200 showings. In a crowd of around two hundred people we were the only ones who were doing audience participation lines. Most people seemed to appreciate it and we got a lot of laughs. Unfortunately, we were stuck sitting behind a completely unappreciative couple. In the middle of the first act, the wife leaned over to her husband and whispered loud enough for us to hear "I wish they'd be quiet, I can't hear the play." Welcome to Rocky, hon.
After a conference at intermission, we decided to redouble our efforts. We didn't get the couple to walk out, but we did make the woman laugh once. Apparently, the thought of "cross-country puppy fucking" tickled her funny bone. Any guilt we might have had about spoiling the play for a few people was quickly assuaged by the throngs of people who came up to us after the show and thanked us for the additional entertainment.
November 2nd, 2002. Michigan versus MSU. The mighty, mighty Michigan Wolverines kicked ass. 49-3. Without any "time stood still" miracles. Revenge is a dish best served with a fully-inflated pigskin spheroid shoved up the ass of a Spartan.
I'm not prepared to call this a regular addition to editions of The Prime Says but this is the second consecutive appearance of a poetry section. Depending on how many tortured screams of anguish I receive from my loyal readers, this may or may not become a tradition.
During a storm, Prime's tongue was a-sloggin'
Through the twat of a tart afore scroggin'
Before they could ball
Thunder shook all the walls
And a shelf dropped on the chick's noggin.
Ardent my craving
Scandalous desire must live
Surreptitiously
Nibble beautiful nipples
Allure of lips
Kiss spicy chamber
Uplift, my friend
Passionate bliss
Climax
Contentment
On October 30th of this year, Jam Master Jay, the DJ of pioneering rap group Run DMC, was shot and killed. Run DMC was the group that introduced me to rap in the mid-80's. Although, I can't swear that'd I'd never heard rapping before Run DMC (I may have heard "The Message" or "Rapper's Delight" and if "Rapture" by Blondie counts I know I heard that first), but "You Talk Too Much" and "King Of Rock" were the songs that woke me up and made me recognize the existence of the rap genre.
I bought Run DMC's first three albums ("Run DMC", "King Of Rock" and "Raising Hell") on vinyl and played them over and over. "Raising Hell", in particular, was an amazing album. It was the harbinger of many hip-hop trends (both good and bad): product placement commercialism ("My Adidas"), cross-over appeal ("You Be Illin"), cross-genre collaboration ("Walk This Way"), and afrocentric rap ("Proud To Be Black").
And that's where my Run DMC story ends. "Raising Hell" was so big and so over-played I got sick of it. I went to go see "Tougher Than Leather" in the theaters but I was so turned off by the movie that I never bought the album. After that, I moved on to other rappers and Run DMC was relegated to the dust bins.
When I think of Run DMC I think of Run, DMC and their lyrics. When I hear the name Jam Master Jay I think of the songs that Run and DMC rapped about him, not about anything that he did. That's a shame too since he was probably a much bigger influence on Run, DMC and all of rap than the credit I'm capable of giving him. Moreover, from what I've read about him over the years, he seemed like a decent guy. It's too bad he got whacked.
"Jam Master Jay that is his name
And all wild DJ's he will tame
Behind the turntables is where he stands
Then there is the movement of his hands
So when asked who's the best, y'all should say:
`Run DMC and Jam Master Jay'"
--RUN DMC
Seeya next time.
Be just and fear not,
D.I. Prime
Thursday, November 21th, 2002
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