![]](/images/rb-w.png)
|
|
|
|
|
|
Previous
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
2003 has ended and, if you'll forgive me for waxing poetic, it was much like a used condom. There was plenty of evidence that a good time was had but I, for one, shed no tears when it was time to cast it aside. It's time to shred the wrapper, pinch the tip and roll on the new year. Here's hoping that your 2004 is ultra-thin, ribbed & lubed and that your metaphors aren't over-extended. Even when they're similes.
In any event, I continued my tradition of toasting in the new year with a chocolate milkshake. After starting the year on the right foot with fortifying comestibles, I'm ready to face the year's work. Welcome to the first edition of The Prime Says for 2004.
We're only a month into the new year, or three months into the droolingidiots.com year, and already there's been twice as much audio posted as last year. Now I can take it easy and rest on my laurels for the rest of the year.
The audio in question is "Five On One", a song that's been kicking around the D.I. archives for several years as a low-quality demo. It's finally been finished and submitted for your approval. Truly, it's destined to be an anthem for teenage boys everywhere.
In semi-related news, I clocked my first club spin this morning at 1:20am when DJ Mike played "Five On One" at the Diamondback Saloon. A few people even danced to it.
Take a moment to let that sink in. I admit that I was shocked too. The lack of a vagina had me fooled for a long time but my muliebrity finally dawned on me while watching TV. (A bad habit that my mother claimed would ruin my eyesight. Juxtapose that with the typical mother's spiel anent the subject matter of my new song.)
If you watch TV, perhaps you've seen the commercial for the Dodge Durango where a couple are taking their little boy home in their new car. While they're driving, the mother tells the toddler about the numerous luxurious appointments built into their new vehicle. After rattling off a list of impressive features, the father chastises the mother for telling the lad about such nonsense. The commercial ends with the father showing the fruit of his loins the car's engine and explaining that it's a "hemi", a tidbit that was apparently all the child needed to know about the vehicle.
And that's when I realized that I must be a chick. I've had a penis for a long time and, while it's provided numerous hortatory impulses, it has never once impelled me to care about a car engine. Smooth rides and built-in DVD players are cool. I get that. Does it start when the key is turned? Does it accelerate nicely when the gas pedal is pushed? Does it stop when the brake pedal is pushed? Does it get decent mileage? Yes? That's good enough for me. I don't care about cylinders, injectors, cams and foot-pounds of torque. Tell me how many bands of EQ are on the stereo.
And what the hell is a "hemi" anyway? Last I heard, it was a prefix, derived from Greek, that means "half". Am I to understand that this neanderthal is proudly demonstrating to his progeny that he got suckered into buying a vehicle that has half an engine? Sounds like he's a real hemi-weight in the brains department.
You may recall that in the last edition I reviewed Kool Mo Dee's book, "There's A God On The Mic: The True 50 Greatest MCs." In it, he rated the top 50 (duh) solo MCs in the rap game in 17 categories and ranked them based on their total scores.
Since that review was published, my e-mailbox has been flooded in a deluge that makes Noah's tribulation look like a light drizzle. Every single message asked, "Prime, how do you rate on the Mo Dee list?" It was my sad duty to reply to each and every one of those (zero) messages that Kool Mo has probably never heard of me and thus probably hasn't ranked me.
However, fear not my intrepid readers. If Kool Mo can rank himself in his book, I can rank myself in my editorial column! Thus, I present to you, using Kool Mo's categories:
| D.I. Prime's MC Rating | ||
|---|---|---|
| Category | Score | Comment |
| Originality | 50 | I recite rhymes over a drum beat. Real original. On the other hand, I'm not stealing other people's lyrics and I approach the game from a different perspective from most MCs. |
| Concepts | 10 | I'm docking myself a bunch of points because I don't fully grasp what this category is measuring. Most Prime tracks are pretty straight-forward without a bunch of subtext and shades of meaning. You might find a few metaphors here and there so no goose egg. |
| Versatility | 60 | I've done rock-based songs, funk-based songs, techno-based songs and a few things I can't even classify. I've rapped over a wide range of tempos and covered a diverse field of subject matter. I'm still working on different flows & rhyme styles. |
| Vocabulary | 100 | Kool Mo gave one guy a high score because he knew what a haiku was. Come on. Vocabulary is my forte. |
| Substance | 55 | I think I deserve fifty points for not doing songs about pimping, guns, drugs and money. The other five are for promoting safe sex. |
| Flow | 25 | Can flow be learned or is it genetic? I don't know, but I can tell you that my flow has improved. Maybe it'll even be good one day. |
| Flavor | 60 | I faked a German accent for half a verse; that's gotta count for something. Ok, maybe 60 is a bit high, but KMD gives 70s to people who are practically monotonic. I inflect upon occasion. |
|
Freestyle Ability |
5 | A D.I. Prime freestyle is an ugly affair which usually lasts about a couplet. Sometimes a bit more, but not by much. I don't improvise. I write. |
|
Vocal Presence |
50 | Not great, but how many "white-sounding" MCs with a "sub-par" flow do I have to compete with? I get my points here as much for the lack of competition as real distinctiveness. |
|
Live Performance |
75 | I've kicked ass in every live performance I've ever done. That being said, the number of performances isn't all that high and they were usually in front of friendly crowds. Some of these points are being awarded on potential, but this is an area where I could shine. |
|
Poetic Value |
30 | Most of my stuff is straight-forward rhyming. Still, throw in a metaphor here and there, a bit of alliteration, some similes and a few hyperbole and it all starts to add up. Not to much, but it adds up. |
|
Body of Work |
20 | 6 full length songs and 9 snippet songs in 4 years. Some are good, some less so. |
|
Industry Impact |
0 | Units sold: 0. Awards: 0. Let's move on. |
|
Social Impact |
5 | I don't know if "Bag The Bone" inspired anyone but I'll give myself five points for trying. |
| Longevity | 30 | droolingidiots.com is in its third year and the standard is three points per year. (KMD would probably give me a zero here since my three years haven't had much impact.) |
| Lyrics | 75 | I consider lyrics, backed up by a strong vocabulary, to be my strong suit, but there's still room for improvement. |
|
Battle Skills |
70 | Doubt me? Bring it! I have enough Scorpio in me to be a great battler although until I've actually had a (public) battle I can't give myself more points. |
| Total | 715 | Average score: 42. Not bad. That's the answer to life, the universe and everything. That puts me a good 30 points below the number 50 MC in the book, but that's fair. |
That's all for now. I just realized that a track I promised to finish two years ago still isn't done. I need to hit the studio. Even if I'm not paid in full.
Ra Ra Roo,
D.I. Prime
Friday, January 23, 2004
Send mail to D.I. Prime.
© Copyright 2000-2004 D.I. Prime, unless otherwise noted.